Your Downfall

Cometário final

2009-07-30T15:06:00.000-07:00

A todos que lerem e viram

acompanharam e riram

choraram e espalharam

o espectaculo acabou

o blog encerrou . . .

N o vou apagar nem nada.

Sou sincero.

Abri aqui o meu coração.

Todos os sentimentos estão aqui.

O amor a saudade o ódio a poesia e o pensamento.

Mas n faz mais sentido

Abri este blog finais de Dezembro.

Inkrivelmente, com ele mudou a minha vida.

Foi um tempo inkrivel e lindo. Mas tbm horrivel e arrepiante.

Imensas sensações.

Imensas ilusoes.

Quem as quer reaver?

Abra este blog.

Ésta memoria jamais vou apagar.

Vou deixa.lo aqui quieto e guardado.

Vou pensar nele como lembrança preciosa.

Mas sim, tenho d fechar com ele.

Pk eu próprio senti que cresci para além disto.

Que agora vêm uma nova altura.

Agradeço a Deus e a todos por este caminho louco.

Agradeço a ti. :)

Apesar de tudo . . .

Mas fechou

Em breve haverá uma nova vida a abrir.se perante vcs.

E já falarei com outro coração desta minha alma.

Bgd por tudo

Mishayle ( BANG!!! )

Para Ti

2009-07-30T12:02:00.000-07:00

Sempre me disseste que o meu comportamento era inaceitavel

faixa etária baixa, demasiado critico e controlador

que sou mau feio e violento

fica atento ao teu caminho,

se eu sou mesmo assim inda vais precisar de um milagre

A tua conversa é seca e ôca

as vezes já nem sabia porque inda estava contigo

a visão cega de ti finalmente ganhou luz

agora sei que queres ficar, mas já nem te quero por perto

nem vales a merda do solo que eu piso

Vai voltar o Inverno e não vais ter ninguêm para amar

e só ai vais perceber porque dizia para isto não acabar

a chorar tanto como se fosses uma menina que pensa ter monstros debaixo da cama

e a gritar por mim

e até te vai custar respirar

o que estveste a tentar comigo foi baralhar tudo em que acreditei

devias de conheçer.me melhor

mas nunca tiveste atento a tudo o que te disse

e agora arrepias.te com o toque da almofada no teu pescoço

um suor frio do qual já não vais poder escapar

e a rezar para encontrar alguêm que jamais te fez sentir como eu te fiz

Diz.me se é excitante

ou se arde

se não adoras perceber

que sempre fui eu que te tinha na mão

E o quanto magoa

e te corta

quando sentes do que sou capaz

e desejavas que estivesse ai

para te segurar

Desabafo

2009-07-30T11:24:00.000-07:00

Estámos perante uma situação.

Algo que foi. N volta em vão.

Algo que levou a grande parte de mim.

Alguém que pensa que pode ser assim.

Alguém que ama, mas não o faz valer

diz que me chama mesmo sem me querer

a ti que deixaste.me a alma em dois

quero que te fodas

deixa as promessas para depois

O caminho mais fácil é bom de percorrer

não tem sangue nem espinhas,

nem consegue arder

mas entende, amor, que o tempo não foge

e um dia já choras

e já te odeio depois

Phoenix

2009-07-09T18:02:00.000-07:00

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable

So condescending unnecessarily critical

I have the tendency of getting very physical

So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here

This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear

You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone

Not fit to funkin' tread the ground I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love

You'll understand what I mean when I say

There's no way we're gonna give up

And like a little girl cries in the face

Of a monster that lives in her dreams

Is there anyone out there?

Cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Is there anyone out there?

Cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head

You should know better you never listened to a word I said

Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat

Hoping somebody someday, will do you like I did?

Does it kill?

Does it burn?

Is it painful to learn?

That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill?

Does it sting?

When you feel what I bring

And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love

You'll understand what I mean when I say

There's no way we're gonna give up

And like a little girl cries in the face

Of a monster that lives in her dreams

Is there anyone out there?

Cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Is there anyone out there?

Cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Is there anyone out there?

Cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

by Maroon 5 / Harder to breathe

This is a warning . . .

Let there be a warning . . .

Sentir

2009-07-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

O quanto as coisas mais pequenas nos podem pareçer ameaçadoras . . .

O quanto constrangem

revelam

O quanto os venenos leves nos condenam

O quanto na verdade nos matam

E gozam

O quanto dependemos deles

Pesadelos

2009-07-05T03:58:00.000-07:00

Todas as noites e todos os dias

procuram.me

alvejam.me

caçam.me a tiro

é santo o último ar que respiro

mas não me protege do inferno sou

Eu deito e não durmo

eu rodo e rodo

envolto no perfume

de quem ama e morre

eu espanco a cabeça

imploro parar

a santa remessa

que um dia me viu mudar

Veneno que tomo

por mais que me brigo

ter.me feito um homem

ter outro que me castiga

sinto.me numa selva a ser caçado assim

que o jogo começe

não há vida em mim

As amigas do café

2009-07-03T05:19:00.000-07:00

Lá no café
tomam lugar as amigas
carregadas de pulseiras e carteiras
a contar suas intrigas
Acreditam plenamente
que o mundo não se muda
que o amor são só dois dias
e dizem-lo a todas
dizem-lo a todas
para que ninguém jamais se iluda

Um dia apareci por lá
e vê que fui aplaudido
ai que homem, que caralho
sussuravam no escondido

Passam horas passam dias
e o café nunca lá muda
está firme e bem, entra mais alguém
Mas que homem! Que caralho !
Pareçem berros por ajuda

É que as lindas das amigas com as sacas e intrigas não perceberam que o sitio se apoderou delas
que ficaram coladas num vicio de rodadas de caralhos e homens de cafés e coisas belas

Vim por passagem eu admirar as luzes coloridas em cantos escondidos onde elas se encontravam
e não encontrei conforto nem vida na maneira atrevida como elas me olhavam

Quero ser livre
E ninguèm percebe porque
Rasgar as cordas que me atam
que me confrontam e matam
e me levam e me levam
contra minha vontade a perder me na vaidade
das sacas e pulseiras
do quanto mal me queiras
das amigas já perdidas
desgastadas, sucumbidas
que nunca sairam do café para serem humanos,
que se rodam e movem em cavalos troianos . . .

Nasceu o dia

2009-06-10T13:31:00.000-07:00

Finalmente realizei
que isto nunca vai parar
que vai sempre haver mais alguém ou mais além
a atirar.me com pedras
a impedir.me de avançar
a enterrar os meus sonhos no seu quintal
como se nem a mim me pertencessem
a forçar o mau estar
bloqueando o ideal
que ferro fogoso lhes arde
antes eles o possuissem

A ver.me cair
a ver.me rolar
a ver.me desfazer.me no meu vomitado
a rirem.se do meu esforço
são eles que hoje me vencem . . .

Vencem? . . .
Não, não vencem . . .
A vocês que queriam ser como eu
que queriam sonhar e alcançar como eu o fiz
que gostavam de possuir está força . . .
Força que tudo muda tudo encanta
para tudo trabalha e tudo espanta
Sim, sou a força, sou a verdade

Pois quem me quer ferir não percebe
que quando a primeira gota de sangue me escape
alcançando o solo
vai mudar o mundo
tou irrestivel e incontroladamente
como tenho vivido

back

2009-05-11T08:24:00.001-07:00

Ardi no Inferno
cortaram.me os pulsos
queimaram.me com tudo o que tinham
espetaram.me facas
contaram mentiras
choraram.me na cara
e agarraram.me como quem
nem sente o corpo
e aperta o coração
com uma só mão
...
calcaram.me
mil e mais vezes
cuspiram.me na face
deixaram.me
...
foi o que mais custou
deixaram.me e
ameaçaram.me de nunka mais voltar
...
E agora, agora sim
...
Posso finalmente mostrar
o meu ponto forte
...
é que
Eu
não morro
não deixo
não quebro
mão parto
não fujo
estou firme
e inda estou aqui
...
e mais que alguma vez
convicto em apostar
no que só mais alguém para além de mim acredita
...
e acreditamos até á morte

2009-04-22T06:21:00.000-07:00

Monstros vencidos

Mais que convicto

A enfrentar a vida abençoado por uma força maior

envolto neste sonho

confiante no tempo e no espaço

um fundamento de aço

que se contruiu

ao fanatismo do amor

...

Invocando a mais forte das emoções

forte o suficiente para calar o inferno e seus barões

de navegar nas marés do nada

E sempre pedir muito

...

sem placebo

a minha droga

sou eu

és tu

...

Mad Season

2009-04-15T06:21:00.000-07:00

I´m not a poet

This is not a poem

if all the rhymes fit

I´m sorry, don´t know them

I´m not a stiller

I´ve never been

Between Lover and Fighter

I called the extreme

And all that I´ve lived though

May brake down in tears

I ´m losing myself just

the more i feel fears

But this doesn´t bother

I´ll fight myself through

as a fighter and lover

Don´t know who I am, but I feel what to do

Cancerous ambition

2009-04-15T06:18:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up

just felt like shit

sometimes we do feel so

sometimes thats just it

sometimes we don´t know why

we do feel this way

as if we were cancer

that stands in one´s way

that went to one´s brain

never left again

Nasty habits

2009-02-16T16:39:00.000-08:00

I´ve got
nasty habits
and much about to tell
when I follow down my habits
I think of them as well

I´m a one-time smoker
bothering myself
when i choke another cigarette
i get i get
i think of
I need just
I´m never running from myself

There are many people
just eclipsing who they were
they don´t think about their past no more
I smoke another cigarette
and think about myself
And wonder if my nasty habit
isn.t much better than theirs . . .

Retroespectiva / Olá Brecht

2009-02-13T14:41:00.001-08:00

Jámais alguém me preenche os vales
Ou derruba.me as montanhas
Não há caminho ao meu arredor
E sem saber entranhas

Os espelhos em que passo assim
Querem me convencer que sou miragem
Confronto o meu olhar no dele segundos
E prendo-o á imagem

Desafiam.me os que não o são
E dizem que lhes pertenço
Não demora deito.os ao chão
E suspiram . . . Não me vencem

Mais um cigarro que aquele que costumo fumar

2009-02-06T06:56:00.000-08:00

Esvanei-se e salta
Ilumina com fumo
Sabe a nada e a tudo
E desfaz-se ao ar
O cigarro que fumo
Neste escuro oriundo
De quem sabe que vai
Para onde não quer estar

Esta noite
E á chuva
Lanço as sombras do Ser
As cortinas azuis e lilas por ai
E cá fora já estão
Escondidas no solo
Estes monstros
Que sopram
E saudam
Deliciam-se do meu pensamento
Minha dor é a eles o maior prazer

Este cigarro que fumo
Que me salta da sombra
Que arde laranja
E teme, como eu, estar a sós
É instantes de reza
Um sentimento profundo
Fragmento de um mundo
Que desejo entregue a nós

Minhas mãos e meus punhos
Meus dedos e unhas
Cobertos de correntes
E força brutal
Rasgaram quaisquer oposto
Mataram todos os monstros
Encobriram.se de sangue
A lutar pelo seu ser

Quem viveu e quem vive
Como eu
Nao se esconde
Ama sem sofrer medos
Porque arde interno que sempre vai amar
Não percebe as vezes
Porque á sua roda
Sao absurdos que sobem
Alcançando o olhar

A verdade seja dita
É que eu não estou calmo
E fugi para hoje me tranquilizar
Este cigarro que fumo
Tem o tempo do mundo
Com beleza ele lança
Suas asas ao ar

must . . . feel . . .

2009-01-16T05:50:00.000-08:00

Sex is when I breathe my soul into your body

and feel it becoming mine

and skin

no longer is a border

Jet - Black

2009-01-13T03:37:00.000-08:00

Idea´s seem so clear

from way up here

When the craft still kissed the ground

I phantomed away to our bodies spinnin round

exploring themselves . . .inch-by-inch

embraced, loving victims, speaking perfect french . . .

I can´t figure that beeing important up here.

And it´s not about the altitude.

Many people like to mention that looking down to earth makes them feel free as a bird.

But this here is about the journey itsself.

Though I count it only another one for me.

This starts with illusions, dreams, fading to what I want from life, wild fantasies rushing in a cold sweat as we leave though fired by the icy sun I met up here.

There´s touch.

And visions of every touch that could possibly make me feel more alive, though I feel full of power, energy . . . I always search for it, its never enough for me. . .

I like to explode . . .

And love.

Love may be the ultimate power.

Oh . . .

What a fuckin dreamer ! ! !

Ain´t it strange this enormous force is the only one we can´t get totally and completely by ourselves?

Heaven´s sake!

Absorve me. . .

And fly away again . . .

drift rage bump, heart races, head´s out of itsself, what a gun, lose control, heaven´s and hell´s rush through me, I feel by myself.

When I dream about this journey to end.

And a body next to mine.

thirteen square-meters

2009-01-04T16:36:00.000-08:00

Outside, the bitter wind blows
snow-flakes, plays them, makes them dance.
She watches them throughout the window,
just analyzing, no romance.
Her mind is wearing suited grey,
the days have brought her on their own,
they measured, and sat on her doorway
and after that, never left home.

Her husband, sitting on the table,
head drawn in the morning news,
sips on his coffee, turns the pages,
doesn´t feel they´re on the loose.

And after 13 years of fighting, hating,
dreaming, keeping-on;
they just woke up this cold, grey morning,
and suddenly, their love was gone.

( as a hommage to a poem i read before)

Alicia´s on a straight line but I doubt she´s walking home

2009-01-02T14:39:00.000-08:00

A quick tap-turn on melatonine
A glimpse at your own melancholie

A see-through of obscene variety

before you run into catastrophe

A hint of a better world out there

keep shinin´honey, you don´t wanna miss the flair

her body language made all the gentlemen stare

It´s hunting season, baby you´re on...

Giving and taking intensive care...

And everyone else just calls her names

so many "suits" spitting in her face

she never had anything else . . .

Selling and raping every bit of her own out there . . .

She cuts herself every day about a thousand times

Raises her child in a bubble, though she only cries

She washes her blood off from her face and puts on all that pretty make-up

she prays on, to make her whole again

A sniff on a few grams, a mark in her heart

religion in a powder-dose, hope lays on that white line

she must have cut herself so hard last time

she still feels it inside

her time is runnin out

and the last what she´s about

is leaving a hopeless seed in a vicious circle

that must be kept round

Black Tie Optional

2009-01-02T11:02:00.003-08:00

"Black Tie Optional" is sitting in his golden chair
dishes, glasses, golden spoons
candles and some caviar
cigarette smoke, the room looks drawn
this scenery, the bitter poor c´d
spent all of their blood worked dime
still wouldn t pass the doorman for one time

A sharper look
another glass
a bitter frust
in all this classy ambiente
"Black Tie Optional" stears at the golden reflexes
he rages out of all himself
he rushes in his head
for love
for good
another escort, she s just a prostitute
in Hotel Room fourfourone
where his "fun" may never end
but all his dreams seem ugly bent

An hour like a magazine
a theatre like scenery
a morbid waste of simpathy
blood-driven by naivity
blinded by the drugs he took
getting himself a mercy-fuck
eternal luck, forever gone
the waste
the taste
the mirrors he can+t stand to see himself in anymore
reporting of how money turned himself the whore.

Quien eres Carlo Pedersoli ?

2008-12-28T13:43:00.001-08:00

Passeio por mundos sem fim,
são,
passeios em vão. . .
num arco-iris, passeio assim,
e as vezes pelo escuro do fundo do coração
passeio neste solo sagrado
vou de mão em mão
passeio por todo o mundo que este rapaz já conheçeu.
Mas nunca passeio num mundo que é meu.

Quien eres Carlo Pedersoli?
Wer ist Robert Zimmermann?
Quem era Bernardo Soares?

People wear pseudonyms like they do wear masks, in call for a name they believe to suit them better in the occasion than the one´s their parents thought would do.
People wear those masks so close to skin that they vanish in them.
And act like they were supposed to.
But when we loose ourselves in the multiple characters we´ve called to be ourselves so we could fit in, we do not find the ground we used to stand on.
Or the one we´d like to get to.

Even when we´re trying not to

we get up every day with a diferent name

not knowing which one of them all might be ours.

We tend to say it´s all of them.

But we´re not willing to carry all of them at once.

Society

2008-12-25T16:16:00.000-08:00

Society is an interesting concept . . .
It describes a group of people which can not clearly be identified, nor counted.
Though, it exists.
But its mostly just a word we use to say that there.s someone backing up our opinion while we.re pointing a finger at someone who.s different...

Hagen

2008-12-25T15:54:00.000-08:00

Like in a dream I fly around my town in a thousand and one nights.

As the colours rush beside i notice that its not myself that keeps me high.

As if i cared about my yesterdays brabble. . . a re-edit of Aug 29/ 2008

2008-12-25T15:10:00.000-08:00

If you are ever playing with the idea of taking a road trip to the end of the world, on the last day of your life, I guess I can give you a ride.
I m taking the fucking ride to the end of the world for years now, and, let me tell you, after a while it gets quite funny just watchin how every little thing in this endless road just keeps fallin apart and you re really never goin anywhere.
Just fuckin desert, endless miles, and some signs tellin you about distances to thenext town, just to give you a shitty little hope it may end one day.
Sometimes I ask myself, what would happen, if I.d ever to meet God on this way, and he gave me the chance to take this pain from me.
I think I.d just go and say: No, thanks. Just make me Maso instead, please.
So, why all that?
Well, first i believe that lifes like a puzzle. There s a greater idea behind it, you have the choice to make the picture on the box or throw the pieces around in the room for fun. Some people don t care about it all, others can.t seem to find the right clue and almost fall to pieces themselves, trying to build up the puzzle.
Whatever we think, want, choose, feel or do, we are all building up the same thing in the end. And I.m the kind of person, that just feels like knowing pretty everything about it, but not getting the right pieces.
ROOOAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH whatever.
I won t stop the car or trying to build the puzzle, I m just too curious about what its all gonna be like if I can make it. In fact I may even be waiting for this whole world to crumble down, just that I get to know how far I.ll make it in the end.
And somehow I like the challenge , and every step I get, I feel a little bit more powerful, closer of becoming able to destroy the whole fuckin game this is all about.
The constructive destruction theory. Now you know all about it.
Don.t forget:
We are yet living in paradise. We.re just making hell out of it.

This is not an anti-x-mas post . . .

2008-12-23T12:01:00.000-08:00

As described in the title. . .
seems to be some controversy about this especial event that makes just everybody love or leave it.
Well, cross yourselves, caths, . . .
I.ve been out on the streets lately hushing for a late x-mas gift (why.s that called a late gift if i purchase it already before ?. . . whatever. . .) and yesterday I met a nice man who had a white beard , some tiny reading-glasses and an incredibly abstract laugh.
Well, I.m neither kidding nor talking about Santa Clause, I mean, it really happened, he´s an artist it seems and I was bound by the paintings he exposed on right there on the streets, in the middle of rush.hour Dortmund.
So I got to talk to him.
What happened the next 15 mins must have been magic.
It was an absolutely insane AND incredible non-sense conversation about the world and everything else, there in the middle of thousands of people that rushed in and out the shops to grab a last minute present.
As it was getting late, I told him I had to go on, but even before I could move he told me to stop and gave me one of his best paintings. I was astonished. It would be the perfect gift, so I insisted in paying.
He told me that I could buy him a christmas-tree instead of that.
So I went out and brought him the best tree I could find that evening. . .
So, whats this all about?
The nice old man is somebody with a free-spirit, I thought as I got home.
I mean, it.s simple. You work, you get paid, the money you earn is worth the afford you.ve had. You use it to buy things that people afforded almost the same way before. This is the vicious circle that made money so incredibly important to us that most of the people can´t see what it.s really standing for anymore, its just metaphor, standing for the hard-work you had.
That nice old men yesterday, who happens to be a wellknown painter (I didn.t know that. . . shame on me) , liked the 15min conversation so much that , in fact, he offered me a piece of his "time", of his effort, for a piece of mine.
"I couldn.t really want it to be in someone else´s hands," he told me.
Wonderful.
There are still genuine people out in the world.
And someone´s getting a 300€ painting this x-mas (my brother, don´t tell, pssss!!!! :P) . . .

So,

Merry Christmas to all of You :D

short thoughts

2008-12-20T07:35:00.001-08:00

Sexuality

Sexuality is a rather interesting subject.
I wonder who came up with it.
It wasn´t God for sure. . .

Equality

All men are created equal.
Unless they find themselves a reason, why they shouldn´t . . .

A president

A president is an asshole we elect.
We always elect assholes because they are the only one´s that have a clear opinion.
(If we are in search for a positive clear opinion we need to go Disney. . . )

Minorities

Minority is a word we found to discriminate against people. If we didn´t have the word minority, majority would go minority. . .

A word on all those who wish they weren´t who they are

2008-12-20T05:16:00.000-08:00

"Oh, I wished I was someone else"
-"Why that?"
"Because someone else is alsways better than me.
Happier.
Someone else finds love.
Someone else may be rich,
someone else has more sex and takes more drugs then me,
someone else doesn´t get lonely by night,
someone else is adored and spreads its marvel and astounishment by every single move he makes."
-"Well, an ambicious someone else you´ve choosen to be. And... I dislike him."
"...hum...what is wrong about him?..."
"He´s not real, not sincere, not able to touch someone´s heart. I myself tried to be someone else one day. I´ve grown cold, dark. The sex I´ve tasted was no love, and the love I´ve tasted fell apart because I couldn´t give it any damn value, I was so full of everything, of having and getting, that I never really cared about it.
And then I met someone like you, simple, thinkative, honest. Someone to rely on. And having given up the way I was and turnin myself into what I wanted to become suddenly made me feel so. . .stupid. . ."

Welcome to your Downfall

2008-12-19T10:48:00.000-08:00

There ´s a greater beauty behind the way we communicate.
There can be drama, tears, fears, happiness, euphoria, emotion in resume.
There´s nothing we can think, say, paint, post, sing or act about that doesn´t have a certain kind of emotion in it, that doesn´t express a certain way of life.
And even standing still is as expressive as all from the above.
Between the choice of creating, or not, a blog whereas to show a little fragment of myself, it´s the first one to call.
So, first, I want to thank anybody who is ready to get involved in this experience. You really don ´t know what is coming your way, believe me . . . ;)

I´m a 24 year old free-time philosophe who has seen more from life yet than he´d ever expected to have seen by his 50s, somebody who still believes in love, though living in the perfectly wrong place for it, someone, who can write a bloody letter involving all his feelings he´d never be able to express on the outside, but who sometimes wakes up and wouldn´t be good enough to write the dialogues of a "Teletubbies" episode.
That´s life.
That´s what it´s about.
I love unperfectness. Adore it. I think it´s the only thing in this world that can still be perfect. Like, Fernando Pessoa once said, "a paradox can only be one, when it isn´t".

I think anarchy is the only way out of suffering for people around the world and still believe it must have some order.
This blog should be about ideas, feelings, confrontation with life.
This blog might be an antidote.
A savior for a downfall.
Let´s get this started. . .